Retailers prepare for ridiculously early kickoff to holiday shopping season

Only 100 shopping days left to pressure shoppers into compulsive spending


By Sydney Hedley, Staff Reporter


TORONTO – With the days getting shorter and the temperatures dipping into the mid-teens, Canadians everywhere are turning their thoughts to the holiday season.


With Christmas only 100 days away, many retailers have already begun aggressive holiday season marketing to kickoff to the holiday shopping season.


This year, consumers can expect to hear fucking annoying Christmas songs playing in department stores as early as late September.


In a press release issued Monday, the Canadian Business Association said its goal is to “sustain the excitement and stress” of the holiday shopping season for as long as possible.


“Our hope is to eventually extend the holiday shopping season to a year-round marketing blitz so that sales remain at constant high levels,” said CBA’s Naomi Barklay.


“I don’t know why we didn’t think of this before.”


Asked how consumers can more effectively be pressured into compulsive spending, William Sheen of Wal-mart Canada said, “If we can keep the holiday hysteria going for as long as possible, we can expect unprecedented profits.


“Our vision is for people to quite literally shop till they drop,” he added.


On the whole, consumers are pleased with the trend.


“I often end up buying gifts for myself while I’m doing my holiday shopping, and now I can get a head start,” said one West Edmonton Mall shopper.


In a corresponding trend, many cities are moving their Santa Clause Parades to earlier and earlier dates. Regina’s parade will take place on October 5, while Saskatoon held its parade late last week.


Santa Clause himself was unavailable for comment on the increasing demands on his schedule, leading some to speculate that he does not exist.


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