Dawn of “gas standard” era declared
By Mondo Fernando, Staff Reporter
NEW YORK – After six years of steady decline of the value of U.S. dollar, the Federal Reserve announced yesterday its adoption of a new legal tender. Effective January 1, 2009, gasoline will substitute all paper bills and coins as the new national currency.
The announcement comes after many years of the price of oil has enjoyed a phenomenal rise against a continually falling greenback, and is predicated on the widely-held forecast that the price of oil will continue to rise for ever and ever and ever.
With the ever higher price of gasoline, many Americans are beginning to change their habits – buying smaller cars and flying less frequently.
The measure was adopted as part of an effort to combat this brazen affront to the American way of life.
Officials battled for years with the problem of moral hazard – as well as fire hazard – in introducing a highly explosive liquid into the hands of millions for day-to-day transactions.
However, as Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson notes, “What could possibly go wrong?”
The so-called “gas standard” is expected to reign in an era of economic stability and growth, as well as a handful of new wars in the Middle East.