Sour Grapes for Dummies — Summer wine tips for the rest of us

You don’t have to be a blue-blooded winologist to appreciate a good grape juice. This summer, ignore those wine snobs, and just go for some yummy and cheap plonk. The Pundit offers some tips for the average Joe in plain English.

 

If you are looking for a summer rouge that is both opulent and genuine, the romantic Viognier is an obedient wine with a contrapuntal harmony and a smooth eggy bouquet with low tanninosity.

 

If you like ze German Geschmack, Gewürztraminers are vigorously fragrant, fruit-forward, and accentuated with pungent zesty after-Schmackhaftigkeit. The bold saccharine overtones with a mélange of an elusive je ne sais quois tickle the taste buds like a million fireflies fluttering in the night. The Vinoptima Ormond Gewurztraminer (2004) is an aromatic New Zealand wine which, at the low price of $85.95, is perfect for an average Tuesday night dinner.

 

The Maison de Brunelle Pignon de Nouillé (2003), at the bargain basement price of only $89.90, balances a penetrating bon gôut with a nuanced bouquet not for the olfactorialy undiscriminating.

 

The little whites of Chablis are also très mode this summer. These playful wines offer a buoyant luminosity like a springbok soaring sylphlike over the Serengeti Savannah. An effervescent Asti can also satiate the Self on hot dry day.

 

For an evening with friends, a Tuscan Malvasia is singularly spicy with jaw-gnawing acidity reminiscent of guacamole. This invigorating variety, often blended with Fiano or Falaghina, brings an oily texture with restorative yumminess and palate-pleasing ego-transubstantiation.

 

The Chilean Toro Blanco del Castillo Paco Cabernet-Merlot (2007) is an energetic blend which offers a voluptuous array of earthy herbs and robust pith. This spicy wine spreads its legs throughout the tongue like a high-class whore, bleeding oaky flavours and mesmerizing the palate with its Andean notes. The bull’s blood aftertaste is the sine qua non of this original blend, giving this proprietary-labeled wine a unique complexity.

 

The pinot gris is a shy wine known for its versatility and fragility. It metaphorically recreates the felicitous enchantment of a summer breeze, and, unlike its more sober sisters Riesling and Muscat, this pinot exudes pétillant capriciousness.

 

If you’re looking for a self-actualizing wine that will elevate you to epistemic heights, why not consider a Sequoia Ridge Zinfandel (2006) from Napa Valley? This wine will nullify your nihilism with intriguing jammy, gardenia-esque bouquet and pronounced overtones of tunafish and just a hint of gorgonzola.

: P

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