Hilarious video prank covered up by government in effort to be less exiting
By Mondo Fernando, Staff Reporter
OTTAWA – Maxime Bernier was forced to resign as foreign affairs minister after being Punk’d.
Not wanting to seem as dim-witted as the average Punk’d victim – typically a Hollywood celebrity – Bernier pronounced that the reason for his resignation was because he left classified documents at the apartment of his former girlfriend, Julie Couillard.
Embarrassing and stupid as that would have been, the truth is much worse.
Late on Sunday, May 25, Kutcher’s camera crew snuck into Bernier’s house and caught him on tape stumbling home drunk with two Romanian prostitutes. Mistaking the camera crew for burglars, the well-dressed Foreign Minister screamed like a girl and ran down the street, abandoning the hookers on the scene.
Several hours later, the Prime Minister’s Office was notified of the incriminating footage, and a deal was brokered in which Kutcher agreed not to air the video.
At 3:21 on Monday morning, a furious Prime Minister Harper placed a call to Bernier forcing him to announce his resignation.
Despite madly circulating rumors of the prank, Mr. Harper and his government continue to routinely brush off questions about any video footage, accusing the Opposition of making up lies to embarrass the former cabinet minister.
“Mr. Bernier was not Punk’d,” he said, in an effort to tone-down public interest. “This was an unfortunate error involving documents and other serious, unexciting government stuff.”
Opposition MPs ramped up demands to see the footage Tuesday, calling for the PMO to make the video publicly available.
“Canadians have a right to see that footage,” Liberal foreign affairs critic Bob Rae charged Tuesday in the House of Commons, where the Bernier affair dominated Question Period.
“Is it true he ran off like a little sissy girl? Canadians deserve to know!”
Asked if he could confirm rumors that there was footage of Bernier drunk with hookers, Kutcher commented thoughtfully, “I don’t follow Canadian politics much, but that guy’s a huge douchebag. Canada is better off without him.”
Although there has been no public confirmation of the Punk’d scandal, some eyewitnesses reported overhearing Bernier mutter, “That sonofabitch Kutcher will pay for this. Nobody Punks Max and gets away with it.”