$1 prostitutes offered “bang for your buck”
By Sam Hagan, Staff Reporter
EDMONTON – Two men are in jail, charged with running an illegal prostitution business called “Loonie Poons” in Edmonton’s seedy red light district. Jacob Tanto and Jimmy Stillman were arrested late Wednesday night when police raided the well-known whorehouse where services were available for the low price of just one dollar.
Authorities said they were made aware of the existence of Loonie Poons after the owners began taking out large newspaper advertisements that read “Fuck for a Buck!” and “Rock a bottom at rock bottom prices!!”
Once a warrant had been issued, police had little difficulty locating the whorehouse because of the large sandwich board sign on the sidewalk outside that read: “Welcome to Loony Poons! We offer bang for your buck!”
“The establishment offered very low-quality services,” lead detective Lieutenant Joseph Hugo remarked. “When we arrived onto the scene, we found that many of the girls were dirty and flea-ridden, and some were just life-sized stuffed dolls. But then again, what do you expect for a dollar?”
The raid came as a bitter disappointment to many local residents who grew accustomed to the brothel’s cheap, cheap whores.
“We have witnessed double-digit inflation on the cost of hooker services,” local resident Jo Kilroy commented. “Loonie Poons had great deals,” he added, referring to the discount card available to students and seniors where the 10th girl was half price.
“That’s the price of a phone call!”