Ghetto birds key link to urban poverty

By Anne Onnimus, West Coast Correspondent  

Page from “Guide to Birds of North America”LOS ANGELES – Researchers at California’s Northern Winged Alliance (NWA) have discovered a potentially groundbreaking link between the migratory patterns of the North American “ghetto bird” and urban poverty.

Studies show that the presence of ghetto birds is highly correlated with poverty in Californian cities. 

“Our research findings point to very discriminatory behaviour,” says lead researcher Dr. Albert Dray. “You can’t go five minutes in Compton or Watts without seeing those [nasty-ass] birds roosting on balconies, building ledges, and rafters…whereas you almost never see a ghetto bird in Orange County or Beverly Hills.”

Ghetto birds are termed “Flying Nazis” because they tend to target black and Hispanic communities. They are well accustomed to living in poor urban areas and slums. Their diets consist mainly of pizza crusts, fried chicken, and cigarette butts.  

Similar studies conducted in South America support his claims. In Colombia, the Sikorsky Black Hawk, a cousin of the ghetto bird, has been linked to the drug trade. Black Hawks are also correlated with the organized crime networks in Brazil. 

One of the key reasons why ghetto birds flock to poor urban areas is because, as Dr. Dray explains, “Gangsta rap bass lines typically found in these communities are very similar to the bird’s mating calls, and may act as a fallacious aphrodisiac.” 

Cover of best-selling album by Ice CubeGhetto birds have, in turn, manifested themselves into pop culture. On his best-selling album “Ghetto Bird,” rapper Ice Cube speaks for frustrated inner-city communities, in the song “Fucking ghetto bird’:  “All that night / I heard the bird circle / while I was eating fish / and watching Urkel / fucking ghetto bird!”  

While still speculative, the NWA’s research may trigger renewed efforts by municipal officials to ban rap music in public areas as part of the war on poverty.

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