24 illegal aliens arrested in immigration crackdown

Legal aliens face backlash

By Sam Hagan, Staff Reporter 

BATON ROUGE – Twenty-four illegal aliens, mainly from the S’vihn-Hoont star system in the Ring Nebulae M-57 galaxy, were arrested Wednesday by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). They are being held in a Louisiana jail on charges of telepathy, inter-dimensional travel, and conspiracy to possess falsified human identification documents. 

The crackdown comes after the Department of Homeland Security broadened its mandate beyond just Mexicans and people in turbans to include intergalactic space travelers. 

Peter Pan commits 100 Lost Boys to NATO-led mission in Afghanistan

Contribution of 16 tonnes of fairy dust gives fledgling international force much-needed boost 

By Sam Hagan 

BRUSSELS – Peter Pan, the plucky young commander of Never-land’s Lost Boys (pictured right), announced at a press conference yesterday to commit 100 boys to the International Security Assistance Force (ISAF) in Afghanistan. The highly trained and combat-capable Lost Boys will join troops from 37 nations participating in the operation.